Does Black Love Actually Exist?

We spend our lives craving it, looking for it, and talking about it. The meaning of It can be felt more than it can be expressed. It’s called the greatest virtue. It’s love.

What is love?
I spoke to people, read books on it and even searched several dictionaries for an absolute but there was none. I picked the main reoccurring definitions given:

  • strong affection for another arising out of attachment e.g maternal love for a child
  • attraction based on sexual desire felt by lovers

  • enthusiasm, or devotion e.g love of travelling the world

  • the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration e.g. football was his first love

  • British people use “love” as an informal term of address

  • act of selflessness, loyal and sincere concern for the good of others e.g. brotherly concern for others

  • a god (such as Cupid or Eros) or personification of love

  • the sexual embrace e.g. making love

How do we define Black love ?
Well we learned from previous talks that “Blackness” is hard to define, much like “love”. So “Black love” is not simple to pin down.

If two Black people are dating or married and in love, does that constitute “Black love”? Is seeing a father hugging his daughter by default is “Black love”? Or two Black close friends stick up for each other… is that “Black love”?

Black love is an ideology of strength and togetherness. It’s this ideal of unity shared between Black people striving to reach a common goal … freedom from oppression, uncompromising, healing, self discovery and protecting the Black family.

Busting Black love myths:
Most myths around Black love comes from both sides of the genders and both feel undervalued by the opposite sex.

Both sexes are unable to connect to positive feelings about each other and feel negative feelings, such as anger, disappointment or resentment towards one another. Why do you think that is? Could it be:

  • Unrealistic expectations

  • Lack of emotional security (especially from parents that effect our relationships with the opposite sex in adulthood)

  • Social conditioning (e.g. Media and music)

  • Disconnected to who we truly are (e.g. Bad bitch, skirt and chick rather than future mother, queen, empress and future wife. e.g. Bad boy, dick on demand, sugar daddy rather than king, future father, warrior and future husband).

  • Not united in the home and community that impacts and maximises on our differences e.g. Black men have it harder than women so they need to support us, etc. Black women have been treated as third class citizens and invisible in white culture, etc”

  • Over generalisation from limited painful experiences?

Example of myths that I have heard and seen throughout my life:

  1. Black men don’t want to be with Black women/Black women can’t find a Black man

  2. There are no decent Black women

Here are some statistics that will slay these myths:-

In 2011:

There was 12,884,411 males in a relationship (but not living together), 10,220,363 married / civil partnerships, and 2,664,048 cohabiting couples in England and Wales of all ethnic groups. Total of 25,768,822.

There was 288,005 Black males in some type of relationship, including marriage/civil partnerships and cohabiting, over the age of 16 years old in England and Wales. Out of the above total 202,755 Black males had Black partners, that is 70% of Black Britons is still opting for Black Love.

That tells me that:
-Black men do want to be with Black women
-Black women are still finding Black Men

There is hope!

What’s love got to do with it?
Research suggests that the feeling of intimacy, emotional connection and closeness is central in all types of love. The experience of love leads to:

  • Healing

  • Self discovery

  • Provide supernatural abilities (e.g. forgiveness, dying for someone else, etc)

  • Cooperation to progress in social advancement (a sense of oneness)

  • Reproduction (survival of genes)

  • Survival by bonding and staying together (kinship)

  • a motivational drive like thirst and hunger (need to belong)

Black Love is Everything
I want to introduce the world’s longest married couple (85 years), Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher, of North Carolina. They set the world record in 2009. Herbert was born June 10, 1905.  Zelmyra was born Dec. 10, 1907. The two of them can still give their reasons for marrying on May 13, 1924.

download“He was not mean; he was not a fighter,” Zelmrya said. “He was quiet and kind. He was not much to look at but he was sweet.” She looks towards him for strength and guidance. They also said that they both share the title of ‘boss.’ They both agree if they had to do it again, they wouldn’t change a thing. Perhaps it is just the respect they had for each other, and the interest in raising a family together.

Zelmyra said Herbert was the only boyfriend she ever had. “We got along good,” she said. “There was no trouble.” They both seem to respect each other and value each other. They enjoy their children, ten grandchildren, nine great-grandchildren and nieces and nephews.

This is a shining example that Black love is real and lasting. And no one in search of it should ever give up on. Don’t believe the hype you see on the media that Black women and men are undesirable or don’t want each other.

Black love is our strength and togetherness.

Black love gives us unity

Black love gives us freedom from oppression

Black love is uncompromising

Black love is healing to the mental and physical being

Black love is self discovery

Black love protects the Black family

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12 Comments Add yours

  1. Omay Farlane says:

    Love your article! Reality, both BM and BW are damaged because of the cultural, societal oppression they endure and keep on pushing to the point of destruction of their species. I for example, I’m considered damaged goods in the sense that traumas, bad experiences won’t let me grow as a woman to the point that if I want to feel validated, like I exist in this world, I have to downgrade myself to the point of degradation in order to feel “loved” or accepted by the opposite sex. When white women can be themselves and get their man with ease, Black women are tougher to get this kind of companionship, and desperation draw these women to failed, abusive relationships and they get used to it, because they think they deserve it because of their low-self esteem.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So true Reflection. I agree 100% with you sister. I will address self esteem and reconciliation between the BW and BM starting with loving themselves.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. kelley says:

    Beautiful! Great post

    Liked by 2 people

  3. e says:

    Great read!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great post. I posed a similar question on my blog about this topic.

    BM and BW have been socially engineered to distrust as well as not respect each other, which are two elements that seem to be missing in this modern, sensationalized depiction of black love. We’ve mistakenly measured our union by European standards, and that’s not going to keep us together due to our oppression. There’s a lot of unlearning that needs to happen before we can rebuild and move forward together, and I’ll never give up on it because I’m anchored in it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Silksache't says:

    omg amazing read, this part was my favorite : unity shared between Black people striving to reach a common goal … freedom from oppression, uncompromising, healing, self discovery and protecting the Black family.

    yassssssssssssssss

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Awesome post. Thanks for writing this powerful article. Have a wonderful weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. A. Michelle! says:

    Great write that reminds us that it is so. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. myyalia says:

    This post was so uplifting to read. From a black woman who looks to her Black man..this gave me hope of “Black Love.” Thanks for sharing…

    http://RockYourLuv.Com

    Liked by 1 person

  9. da-AL says:

    So very sweet – a message to us all via your words & the example of that dear couple – that love must always kind. To me, it’s about finding someone who has my best interests in mind, & vice versa.

    Like

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